ryan adams has, on his recent disc ashes and fire, a beautiful song called kindness. it reminds me of gram parsons, particularly a song called she. it’s also about 4 and half minutes to reflect on my resolution of being kinder. i suppose it’s some minor accomplishment to still be resolute in my resolution.

aside from a few blog postings, some thinking and talking about it, have i accomplished anything? do i have a plan? do i want to continue? have i learned anything?

the first thing i realised is that quantifying kindness is hard. and perhaps not the best way to actually be kind. 

what’s a dollar worth to you? what does it mean to someone who dresses in a suit for work? what does it mean to someone who sleeps at the salvation army?

obviously, the value of a dollar differs widely. but why make comparisons at all? we have the need to value everything, usually in monetary terms. but anything is something. i know that having a dollar in my pocket is not the difference between eating or not. for some people, it is. that’s good enough.

second, i still can’t give you a solid definition of kindness. it’s a very shifty idea and it changed for me as the month progressed. the best i can offer is that it’s easier to see the unkind act. kindness has a way of hiding in a crowd.

third, i do and don’t have a plan. or i had a plan, then reconsidered, then re-evaluated my reconsidering and decided to keep going. i can’t say what it is, however. it’s like calling for a shutout in hockey – bad luck. 

the plan i don’t have, i’ll follow. which means, i’ll keep a little change in my pocket and keep kindness in mind and eyes as i go along.

so there it is. rough estimations, relative semi-conclusions, a bit more experience. have i made a difference? 

i don’t know, frankly, but i hope so. 

at least a bit. 

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