remembering you march 2012
listen up - click on the arrow
chasing you blocks and blocks,
heaving breath pedalling,
my legs gone concete,
my lungs pumping raw alcohol.
that summer, the first real love.
the need so bad you were my venus fly trap.
you were air, i breathed like i wouldn’t
photographs, free spirit and body.
Achingly different from mine.
All I could understand is how I couldn’t
understand how to be you.
sticky night encounters,
fumbling for you under my breath,
under thoughts i could not bear after.
Would you just walk away from me?
I lost you for a week.
No letter, no phone call, nothing
in the atmosphere, except bus rides
of desperation, of having nothing at all.
Of you dismissing me. Gunshot heart.
how you came back.
It was nothing to you, all i could
swallow, angry as love would allow.
I did what I didn’t want to do, began
another relationship, to have something.
A fall back position against the rock fall.
you never knew or you did
and didn’t care.
I remember the devastation when we
we finally crumbled, our circle of hot, pained tears.
I remember 25 years later.
I remember that I still love you.