early release



After the declaration i made;

that i’m too tired of this place,

that i know somewhere else

is a better place,

that i have developed

a plan to escape the trench warfare, 


the doctors had no choice


i remember,

how calm i was

or i dreamt i was calm,

how the hope for relief 

was strong and tenacious

and numbed my skin in fear


a straight-eyed statement

to a medical professional

with words like final or hurt

or pills or hopeless;

doctors take all that seriously,

if you look at them

don't blink or break your committed stare

or say this — i’m not laughing at the joke anymore

then ask — what are suicidal ideations?

and are they suicidal thoughts 

or plans and preparation 


after this 

i am not granted early release.