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Doctor Doctor

Like many people with a reasonable mental heath regimen seeing a doctor, seeing many doctors is a part of life. Sometimes it's a part of life that really stinks. Necessary but sort of onerous.

If you're bipolar, it's bi-part of life. That is an inexcusable joke. I apologize

It's a burden. But better than the option of no medical care. Still, consider my history. I've been in the care of at least one doctor for more than twenty years. Most of that time, it's been two - my general doctor and a psychiatrist.

Other times, I've also had a social worker, rehabilitation expert, and psychologist. Other times, I've been in the hospital with several different medical people having their own look at me.

Once I had an entire team of doctors following me. I had had a stroke-like event (that became the official diagnosis as no real physical cause was found). The world had spun so far down, I could no longer stand. I could no longer move. I had become part of the floor.

Somehow I made it to the hospital and eventually recovered. I was a medical mystery. Doctors like medical mystery and they seemed happy. It was hard to know whether my mind or body had broken down. Probably both.

My point is that I have spent many many hours in offices and examining rooms. I arrange my life around going to the doctor. I arrange my life around appointments that are supposed to ensure that I still have a workable life.

Going to see a physician who wants to know your blood pressure or give you a colonoscopy is one thing and stressful in it's own way. Going to see your psychiatrist, no matter how long you may seen them, is a matter of nagging worry, sometimes more.

A bad outcome is always possible.

Sometimes going to see a psychiatrist is a trigger in its own way. I have cried -- wept if I'm honest -- on the bus going to an appointment for no other reason than my destination. It's the pressure of knowing that you're about to rip open scabs you think are healed.

Each visit to a psychiatrist comes with a real and dreadful truth - this could be the time that everything you believe and think shakes and collapses. The day you find out the truth is that yesterday's truth is false today. And who knows what truth will be tomorrow.

Doctor Doctor, do you know? Preparing to meet you is exhausting sometimes, tiring most of the time and annoying every time. I feel like I'm getting ready for a mid-term and I'm not sure what the subject is.

Maybe that's how it should be. Maybe that's the "work" people talk about. It is another constant stress in my life however.

Doctor Doctor give the news, i got a bad case of loving' you

#mentalhealth #mentalillness #bipolar #psychiatrist